So I’ve been thinking a lot lately (ok, maybe it’s heading into obsessing territory) about how unhappy I am with my weight and overall fitness. And by overall fitness, I mean a complete lack thereof. Since I try to channel worry and anxiety into action of some kind, I’ve started wearing my fitbit again, have been walking more, and this week got inspired by someone I met who lost well over 100 lbs (she’s a bit of a rockstar, in my opinion). This is all a good start but, like my mind so often does, I can’t get away from the thoughts of “It’s just not enough, I probably won’t stick with this, and why am I not seeing any results?” My realistic mind replies to that last one with a bit of WTF?!-You-only-worked-out-once-sister-this-isn’t-magic sass.
Anyways, in my attempts to refocus all of that self-doubt, I’ve been trying various meditation and relaxation techniques. Yep, all that new-age crap I used to make fun of people for buying into. Those folks were on to something. I’m finding it pretty helpful and, thanks to Steve Jobs et al, I’ve found a couple of great apps I’m starting to really like. Never thought that “guided meditation” would be part of my arsenal but it is now. Even if a few of the “guides” I’ve tried have voices that just make me laugh…oh well, there’s still some value in that, laughter is pretty awesome. It’s not perfect. My voices of self-doubt can be a bit shouty sometimes and last night they just would not shut up, no matter what I tried. Found one of the more calming voices on an app who was focused on small wins. You know, one small step at a time rather than trying to teleport yourself to the future. Even these new age guru’s haven’t figured that one out yet. Shouty self-doubt voices were still a bit louder than my guru in my phone and, not entirely sure how, but I ended up supplementing with a bit of a mantra that I was silently repeating in my head to drown out Shouty Self-Doubt (who apparently now has become a someone vs. a something…maybe better way to kick her out of my life if I give her an identity?).
I can. I’m worth it. I will.
I can make small steps to improve myself – I’m not trying to get to the moon in a minute, I’m trying to get healthy over time.
I’m worth making these changes – depression, anxiety, self-doubt, extra weight, and any one of the other things I could criticize myself for are a part of the whole me, not all of it. The whole me is pretty awesome and totally worth making these changes for.
I will. The most difficult one. But I can and I will are the two friends who will help me there and move beyond “I will” to “I am”. Baby steps and celebrating the small wins along the way.
I can. I’m worth it. I will. I’ve never been one for mantras but this one might stick.