Depression and anxiety have been part of my life for so long but I think I’m only recently starting to recognize the unique variations, and relate to what I hear and read from so many others. I’ve heard people use phrases like “today is dark” but could never really relate. Even when I finally realized I was “not myself” and worked with my doctor to start working on these mental illnesses, I didn’t have that direct ability to relate to those experiences of others.
I think documenting my thoughts here and spending more time consciously reflecting on my feelings has helped me start making these connections. It wasn’t until my last post that I realized I am more aware of the “dark days” that are part of this journey with mental illness. I think that is a huge win. Awareness and recognizing when the evil twins are pushing for more is part of the battle. The last couple of weeks have been tough BUT I feel like I’m handling it so much better. That awareness helps me take action so much quicker. Action can be as simple as deep breaths, or taking time for more mindful meditation, or posting here. All of it makes a difference.
I’m also kind of proud (and slightly terrified) of the fact that I’ve used the phrase “mental illness” twice in this post when describing myself. That is a big admission for me, even if it is to the silence of the internet that may never be read by anyone else but me. Yep, kind of proud of myself and feeling okay with who I am…good feeling.
It helps that I’m officially on vacation now. Getting organized today to leave on our trip tomorrow. That includes prepping my meals for the week…yep, I’m sticking to it! Go me!